as love crowns you he crucifies you

Welp now that we have AI agents I can go ahead and take the entirety of my journal here and go create a clone of my self.

I hope he’s funnier than me and has better hair.

In my first ten years of journalling: 3380 entries My second ten years: 3960 entries. Funny, once I decided to turn it into an auto-biography I stopped writing.

Wait for the person who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of person who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person; the only person who will drop everything to be with you at any time no matter what the circumstances, for the person who makes you smile like no one else ever has. Wait for the person who wants to show you off to the world because they are so proud of you. And most of all, wait for the person who will make you a priority, because that’s where you belong.

Let's play tagging games... (italics are my responses.)

Whelp, I guess I need to air some dirty laundry (funny how the last time you "aired dirty" laundry you apologized for it and said it was beneath you, but here you are, doing it again.). Jason Thompson, I have been shown some of your nonsense posts (you mean you go to my facebook page on a regular basis). So I had to go look for myself, I find it interesting that you feel the need to publicly put me down, cryptic yes (was cryptic until you said something, dumbass), but still aimed at me (not every post about the untrustworthy assholes in my life are about you, but if the shoe fits...) I am sharing this publicly, because I have nothing to hide (oh yeah you certainly do, you just don't realize it because you're a narcassistic asshole who refuses to hold himself accountable for the shady shit he's done all his life), and I want people to see you for you, not the facade you project (translation: "you told the truth about me so now i'm going to lie about you.").

1: just because you were not allowed in my room to play with my Husky (hey remember that day you said you'd never ask me to do a favour for you ever again and then the next day you asked me to take care of your dog? weird huh?), does not mean i did not allow others to keep him company while I was at work. Two other housemates would play with Danny on a daily biases (once a day for 10-15 minutes is not enough for a husky, they need to run and play for hours out of each day. just like the American association of husky owners suggests), let him out and make sure he had plenty of water etc, one even play's with my cats too(yes the cats play with Danny, I even posted a picture or two) (weird because i lived with you for a year and a half and i never saw those cats ever play with your dog. and your ex-wife confirmed the same for a much longer period of time)... now,.. your last dog got sick because you let it eat out of a dirty tuna can(it was a freshly opened can of tuna, and i thought her illness was because she was injured from the sharp edge of the lid)(at least that's what you told me, I'll have to check with your girlfriend of the week (that's so funny because outside of one relationship that lasted a week and another that lasted four months, most of my relationships lasted on the average for about four years. since you're friends with some of my exes, feel free to ask them). Regardless of how Moya got sick, you could not take care of your dog properly (paying for meds, vet stuff, etc) so you left her her at your parents house (you were too selfish to make it happen on your own). After Moya lived there for a couple of months, she stopped being so sick...

Yes, I could not take care of my dog properly anymore. So I gave her to a better home. You think that was an easy decision to make? You would think that. BTW, probably advice you should take, since you have a full sized husky crammed in a small room all day long where he has only a few square feet of space to move in because you're a lazy asshole who can't put down the playstation controller long enough to unpack. Fury dog. Hot room. No space to run. You are literally killing your dog with neglect. Kinda like how he'll go into seizures every once in a while because you forget to get him his medication all the time. (Wanna argue that, show me the medication records from the pharmacy. Pretty sure there's quite a few gaps.)

But since we're on the subject, my dog was suffering from an auto-immune skin disease called Pemphigus. Weird how you'd remember the tuna can story, but not the actual disease. Weirder though, you remember that story, but you couldn't remember who bailed your wife out of jail. So there's that mr. "i have memory problems" and your "out of sight out of mind" disability.

2; in reference to calling former guy friends who have been talking about you "bitches" (yes, people who talk shit about other people on facebook are called "bitches". if that bothers you, then you're one of them.) ... i personally have called you out to have face to face conversations, numerous times (weird though how we lived together for months and yet you never took the time to actually come and talk to me face to face. oh right. that playstation controller.) , the last time I called you out, you replied with "I prefer texting, so I have a record" (which, in all fairness, matters because of your selective memory, your inability to tell the truth, and the fact that when you do have a discussion with someone face to face you resort to distraction, deflection, and you scream and stomp around like a teenaged boy. so yeah, if someone's going to have a discussion with you, they'll want to do it in a way they can keep record of it for later.). you are a coward, you hide behind your computer/phone, and make some interesting comments. But when confronted you make excuses as to why you can not talk face to face (because "you're not mature enough to have a real conversation with" isn't an excuse, it's a reason). You go through friends and projects like water (not sure what you're talking about here, so i'm pretty sure you don't either). Every time this happens (when has this happened?), you blame everyone else, but in reality, its because you cause the issues, and the problems with your inflated ego (is this about Mjolnir Software, because it's weird how when it was happening you *completely agreed with me that they were in the wrong*. Yet here you are, now telling a different story.). You assume authority (i never assume authority that i'm not given) and responsibility where you have none (yeah because taking on new responsibilities is such a bad thing right?). you belittle the people who are trying to work with you (only when they're proven to be untrustworthy and they can't be counted on. and i make sure to have proof before i say anything.). hell you even tried to get me kicked out of a project we were both going to be working on (oh you mean Immortalz when I had to come clean with them and tell them how little you actually worked on Test Group? Like how I was usually the one taking care of props and wardrobe? Or when you were supposed to bring wardrobe to set the night before but you asked the directors to come get it because you were too busy playing Call of Duty? And how you never did the "junk in the trunk" webisodes? Or your Craig Larkin video-blog? How's all that coming along? Did you even submit an audition to Immortalz? Yeah, that's what I thought. Oh, and don't forget about the fact that not a single project you started in your home was ever finished. The roof, the floor, the yard, the rabbit hutch, your office, Ranee's truck... I could go on...). And that was one of the times you were called out, in front of witnesses to boot... (weird because what actually happened was i volunteered the information and explained my concern all at once, in front of those witnesses, unless you're talking about another time where i had to apologize for your lies and laziness.) you (obviously) declined. I'm going to do a little quote thing(same one you have done) people who live in glass houses should not throw rocks...(and people who leave their tools in the rain shouldn't condemn men with callouses on their hands)

Jason Thompson, We were friends for 20 years or so. I have been there for you through all kinds of crap(most happened because of you (that's not what you said at the time each time. feel free to make a list, i'll make sure to respond.). I helped you, supported you, and treated you like family. In my major time of need, you made your own needs a priority (oh you mean when your wife was going to divorce you and i told you to put the controller down once in a while?).

Even though someone you called brother was suffering, and they(I) still tried to help you, you abandoned him (more like "i told you the truth and you didn't like it" but okay.). you took my roll as godfather and twisted it around to your own needs. the roll of a godfather is to be there for the child if you pass away, NOT to try and correct your mistakes (no actually the *role* of a godfather is to step in and help a child when the father can't do it. the honour comes with a duty and responsibility, and obviously i made a poor choice, since you couldn't be bothered to make a phone call unless i had to scream at you. should've known better, being as you were a shitty father to your own son to begin with.), "talk to your mother"(we both know why you cant, so it does not need to be stated here (because she disowned me over a lie. why wouldn't you be able to state that here? oh right, because it doesn't fit your narrative), or fight your parenting battles.

Even after all the crap, all the shit you were able to say via text, I am still willing to talk "face to face". (and as i explained the last time you said this, i won't talk face to face with you because you're a petulant little manchild who flies into a rage when proven wrong. but don't take my word for it. ask your wife, or some of your ex roommates, or the guy you stabbed a few years ago)  If it would help your "comfort zone" we can have witnesses and some recording devices, "for your records". (Why would I talk to a man who doesn't listen and has nothing honest to say? That's wasting my time.)

I know what I have done and not done in my life, I confront my mistakes, and deamons on a daily biases... (oh you mean with marathon gaming sessions and the occasional casual chat with a psychologist who exercises at your job? yeah. that's confronting shit.) The fact that I can not talk to my son is ultimately my fault, I have faced this fact and have been trying to make amends(i am not blaming his mother, what would that solve/prove?).

I'm pretty sure taking your 7000$ settlement and blowing it on another gaming system, another wide screen TV, and a broken motorcycle instead of using 3500$ to fund your child's crowdfunded trip to Japan to go to school and follow his dream is *really* making amends.

My failed marriage, I take responsibility for that as well. I even tried to help you with the crap you kept starting with your babies mother(yes it went both ways, but you love to stir up trouble (telling the truth and defending my daughter isn't "stirring up trouble" it's "doing the right thing." Which is weird because when it happened to other people, you applauded me for my strength of conviction, but once again, now you tell a different story.) while going through my own tramma.

I took care of you and Ranee and myself on $300 a week (oh and don't forget that Ranee and I also had a part time job for my entirety of my time there. And all that monetary assistance from our mutual friend Eric, and Ranee had unemployment benefits of a few thousand [she showed me the tax forms] and the fact that she made it so you didn't have to pay rent for months on end and the fact that when I felt i couldn't adequately contribute to the home through money, I busted my ass and made sure I kept the place clean and organized, with little to no help from you. which, i didn't bitch about at the time, but holy shit are you a fucking lazy slob. Oh and if I wasn't actively on a paycheck I was trying to get paid, buy either looking for work, soliciting design jobs online, or trying to help other people with their movie projects. Sorry if I wasn't the sort of guy to smoke someone else's pot and PLAY VIDEOGAMES ALL DAY), until you got a job(almost a year)(i moved down there in april, had a job by september. try that again, which is funny coming from a guy who didn't work for two years and lived off his wife shortly before i came down there).

Then once you had a job, I took you to work almost every day, and picked you up almost every night(yes Ranee had to get you at times, because of my job, and once because I did not hear you knock (which ended as soon as i got a car. but hey awesome of you to hang that shit over my head... oh and downplay how many times Ranee took me back and forth to work).... I have not been with out a place to live since I was 18... I took you in twice, once back in 2002 (oh you mean for that month or two i was wintering during my tour of working around the country which i did for ten years? good on you to hang that over my head too. you're so fucking humble.), and once last year, because you had no where to go(again)(actually i've always had a place to go. i was *sent* down here by my parents. remember? oh, and let's be honest, you can't say it was *you* who took me in, since it was your wife's home.). While you were traveling the road with the Ren circute, you stayed with me a couple of times in between shows, because you could not afford to stay elsewhere (oh you mean once or twice when i chose to stay with you because you were my friend and i was the only friend you had? look at you. for shame.). Then when the brakes on your truck broke, the last time you stayed, I fixed them, and paid for them for you. Hell I even lent you $300 because you were so broke... (yeah, that's what decent people do, but decent people don't hang that over other people's heads. or should we talk about how much money you owe Eric, Ranee's parents, and your child?)

Yes this letter did take me a while to compose, and yes my grammar is atrocious. i'm just getting 2 of your attacks out of the way now.(Telling the truth is not an attack, and poor grammar and spelling is a sign of laziness. Maybe next time use your ps3 controller to type something up. I mean holy shit you have a brand new laptop and two or three PCs but you couldn't plug anything in with a spell check? Lazy asshole.)

For 20 years I have been there for you, no questions asked,nothing expected in return (which you proved is a lie in this facebook post of yours), that's what a friend does. A friend does not belittle, put a friend down, insult a friend, or make demands of a friend (unless of course the friend is not on the right path. that's the point of friends. to keep each other grounded. but again, you're allergic to the truth.).

There is one common thing in all the shit that has happened in your life, it is you. Its sad that you can not see the forrest for the trees, or smell your own shit on your knees...

Actually the common problem is I trust people too easily, and I demand accountability too late. I'd go more into length, but I'm laughing too hard at the fact that you ended this post on a 20+ year old quote from Marilyn Manson.

Is it my turn now? Can I air out my dirty laundry? Because I sure as fuck learned a whole lot about you over the past year (its why I couldn't be friends with you anymore, you're not the same person I thought I knew), and I'm pretty sure my grievances are a little more severe, and my horror story about how much of a shithead you are is much, *much* more terrible.

P.S. The funny part of your rant here? Doesn't change anything about what I said. None of what you typed makes up for the fact that you're abusing your dog through neglect, and that you're a little bitch for talking shit about me on Facebook. So really all of this shit was pretty irrelevant. Which is you're MO anyway. Deny, distract, deflect. The tools of a manchild. This is why you're freshly divorced and why you don't have any friends. Because you're almost 50 and going on 15.

What would I do without your smart mouth
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
Got my head spinning, no kidding, I can’t pin you down
What’s going on in that beautiful mind
I’m your magical mystery ride
And I’m so dizzy, don’t know what hit me, but I’ll be alright

My head’s under water
But I’m breathing fine
You’re crazy and I’m out of my mind

Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
‘Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you

Well, oh what a feeling
that burns down low
when you ain't got no where to turn,
or no where to go
It makes me feel like sometimes
I'm outta control
So I'm gonna get wasted
with all my country heroes

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  His face turned dark. He cursed himself for not paying attention. And now he knew that if he radioed them at this moment it would probably only just distract Bailey, and any distraction right now would certainly kill someone.

Have you got colour in your cheeks?
Do you ever get that fear that you can't shift
The type that sticks around like something in your teeth?
Are there some aces up your sleeve?
Have you no idea that you're in deep?
I dreamt about you nearly every night this week
How many secrets can you keep?
'Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow and I play it on repeat
Until I fall asleep
Spilling drinks on my settee

(Do I wanna know)
If this feeling flows both ways?
(Sad to see you go)
Was sort of hoping that you'd stay
(Baby we both know)
That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day

Crawling back to you

Ever thought of calling when you've had a few?
'Cause I always do
Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new
Now I've thought it through

Crawling back to you

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