krowface | Entries tagged with lost in thoughts lost in dreams

The last few shards of the setting sun shatter over the edge of a far dusty horizon.

Calmly watching, the sun sets the sky ablaze with a final outcry of crimson.

Every moment in the light is another moment where I feel the air pull the moisture right out of my bones.

I'm standing still and resting calm against an adobe wall as my heavy eyes sink down.

Watching the Dragoons drown against a setting sun.

Chiricahua restless against my ear cries a filthy story.

Hundreds dead and forgotten, bleached white bones under an unforgiven sky.

Fingertips burnt and singed. Heavy irons rest on hipbones.

Marching into the sunset.

A weight too heavy as a sky folds neatly above.

Crossposts: http://krowface.livejournal.com/418185.html

There's no question.. we're going to be invincible. We can absorb every moment of damnage as if nothing really happen.

It'll be as if we simply run our fingers across something dirty, like a smooth sort of sandpaper.
ougher parts.

You're bing sod a ie my baby.

As we spin our fingers farther out, we're not going to feel those r

Splintering these gentle moments. We're not going to be able to sink into these moments.

Blue glass sinks down into a gentle wave.

Greeen glass. Stop moving.

Red glass. You have to die. It's a part of it.

I'm spinning deep into a dirty sort of mioprtic.

Spin those keyes thise dirty bitches. I'm going to type it up as i have tooo. someone is going to have to settle down.

sink againdt me. these dirty moments.

one, zero, one zero. zero zero one . zerom one zeomr. we're going to gall apart.

don't be less. don't be worried.

THIS MACHIENE IS FALLING APART, EVERYTHING FROM THE BEGINNING.

Come to me, let me be my worst. Will you let me be this man you've mistaken me for this monster? Will you confuse one for the other...?

Behold, take note, amplify and serenade.

You see me as the monster you think I can be. Allow me the freedom to sink deep into my heart and let me kill everything around me.

...

My bed is full of gentle love, of women in pain and torment. Souls alseep and ready for slumber.

I crawl across them. They breathe deep of my poisonous desire. My thick hands find their throats.

Allow me to choose one, allow me to find your bidding.

One must die so one must live. Choose. Who lives, who dies? Is it in you to make this horrible decision?

Rough hands of twisted bone and sinew tighten against soft and gentle throats.

They sleep soundly, lost in beautiful dreams.

Let me end them where they lie.

Who is the monster here? How demands this failed justice?

Someone dies tonight. Which of us?

Choose. Make your decision.

Make the call.

Be there.

Live with the consequences.

...

Will there be the right way? I will never know. I am just the weapon in your hand. I am just your finality.

This is yours, it can never be mine.

Every limb of mine is bound in the razor drawn edges of a painful nest of wires. These wound metal cords dig deep into my forearms, my thighs, and tight across my torso.

Dig deep, dig way deep baby. Twisted infected wire cuts my flesh. Trapped and scored and ripped apart.

Drawn hard against the bulkhead of an iron horse.

This cold and nasty engine shoves up against my back, rending me and shattering me against the forefront of a massive desiel train.

I am the screaming cryin wordless masthead of a post-apocolyptic engine that cannot be stopped.

I am the face and body pinned to a screaming steam releasing engine I am tied against.

Virgin Masthead. Dirty diesel engine. A hundred ton engine, hot and furious with anger as it roars along captivity.

Drawn and dragged agaisnt these cold and thick metal rails.

There is nothing I know but the inevitable doom that comes with me screeching along this straight line.

Faster it moves, louder it screams. harder it pushes.

I am pinned agaisnt the rage of a past tearing into a future.

This train tightens against me. Bones shatter and flesh tears.

This is the end I'm looking for. My eyes dead and bright and horrified against the future of the next few miles of a cold path.

Stretched farther against my anatomy than I deserve.

I am ripped apart. Decisions are made, these things are out of my control. I'm going to do more than just die, I'm going to have my body stretched against a screaming death made of a locomotive.

I am just a figure head, and I will pull into the next station, my tattered remains mouthing weak words...

"Run. Run while you can. Do not have my fate."

The whistle will blow. The train will leave the station.

And these cars will be moist and wet and hot.

Full of victims that never should've came aboard.
( Read more... )

Old cars from the middle of the century.

Fields and roadsides overgrown with insidious gigantic white lilies.

accusations, mistaken identities, fascist uniforms, and unwelcome molestations.

i'm already planning my escape.

...

i wake up and i think about what i've seen recently. seeing you all together. remembering the horrible things you people used to say about her. are you not ashamed? i am. i'm ashamed of all of you. and i'm ashamed *for* all of you.

viper in a queen's court? more like a queen in a viper's nest. but she's not much in the way of royalty now is she.

build her up to tear her down.

your kingdom is a goddamned lie.

i almost feel bad for her.

almost...

can you see the storm build up on the horizon?

this rage echoes against the sky.

by hammer and by hand, your ivory tower, tonight it comes down.

i'm riding this pale horse, and i'm coming for you.

there's a battle line, and you're up against it.

i'm waving a banner, and i'm screaming this horn.

there is a war coming tonight, and it's an army against your heart.

all of this will destroy you, and all you had to do was ask.

...

sing to me this war song. a frost field comes.

i succumb to this blood rage. a ruinous desire. eradicate everything before me.

oh this war comes, and it comes for you.

the end of everything. our soldiers stand before you. and they demand blood.

your armies are weak, and they will fall so easily.

and i promise you, when i kill them, i will offer forgiveness to their families.

and i will feed them, and i will raise them, and i will teach them right.

and they will ask of your name, and i will sing your praises.

but you will be dead, and i will be alive.

I'm sitting in my seat, and I'm feeling the train throb underneath me.

I've come to realize...

I'm looking out the window, and I'm seeing the lights of the city as they peel away from me.

I've come to realize...

I'm diving deep into the forest, and I'm screaming along the tracks.

I've come to realize...

Away from the city, and I'm coming back home.

I've come to realize...

I've come to realize...

I'm looking out the window, and I see my reflection faint against the glass.

I see the world outside, and I see the look on my face, and I've come to realize...

I can't keep every promise.

Sorry kid, I can't keep every promise.

And one day I'm gonna be okay with that.

foolish me.

laying on this carpet.

feeling the nap against my neck.

i'm watching this ceiling fan spin.

and i'm thinking to myself... is this how it has to be?

am i not worth your time? am i not worth your space?

goddamnit i'm spilling my soul against your pages.

you're going to write a wonderful book about how i touched you.

and in this next chapter i'm going to fall apart.

and in the end i'm going to be a stupid appendix.

i'm a footnote in the pages of your life.

and one day i'm going to apologize.

and one day i'm going to be a chapter.

a broken spine. this book will be ruined, and my name will be on the cover.

"and one day i'll be a library" you scream.

a hundred books you will never want to read.

it's time, my love, let's burn some books.

it's time to destroy the past we have.

it's time to spill our blood against these pages.

let my heart bleed on these chapters. and let my life die against this saga.

i'm creased. i'm stained. i'm dog-eared.

is it the story, the theme, or the author?

judge a book by it's cover, i fucking dare you.

it's an early morning. and i'm woken up with a phone call. this morning i had to hear she is dead.

i'm frozen in time, static fills my veins. i'm suddenly dead. and so fucking alive.

her death is ruining me. her life is killing me.

i'm going to spend the rest of my life living in her death's shadow, and i'm going to spend the rest of my life chasing her down.

i'm consumed by this memory. you're going to kill me mom. you're going to destroy me.

i don't know where else to go, but i think i need to touch you one last time.

i'm never going to have that final last moment with you. i'm never going to see you smile ever again.

i'm going to have to live a life where you are a fragile memory. and it's going to kill me. and it's going to destroy me.

i wish i could find a way to forgive you, but i never can and i never will. you're never going to have the answers i need.

you're never going to tell me how love works. you're never going to tell me how life is. and i need to learn how to accept this.

and i need to learn how to forgive you. i'm never going to learn how to forgive your death.

please mother, please forgive me. teach me what is good and what is right.

because your shadow is always going to fall across my face. because your shadow is always going to crawl against my skin.

your death is always going to ruin my life. and i need to learn how to forgive you.

but i can't, and i won't. because i'm always going to be lost in your wake. and i'm never going to hear the words god is trying to whisper to me.

you're nothing more to me than a cold body locked in this ground. and your face is always going to burn me alive in the memory of you.

are you alive, are you dead? are you next to me?

promise me one day you'll find a way to teach me how to live, and one day i'll promise how to let you go.

mother, please let me go.

nothing will ever change as long as your ghost haunts me. your shadow consumes me.

you're going to be the death of me. and i'm going to die a thousand times, until i'm ready to let go.

mother. i love you. let me go.

this morning i set the table for the two of us. breakfast is waiting for us.

i'm an origami swan you unfold with a breath, and i'm not supposed to be so easy to straighten out.

I can feel the dry and dessicated soil crunching underneath the thick craggy soles of my heavy leather boots.

I can feel the cold wind scream through my body, chilling my skin, making my flesh ache, making my bones fragile.

It's an ill wind that blows right through me, as I march slowly and morosely through this arrogant and angry field.

I'm back again, this horrible fucking cemetery.
( Read more... )

...and I'm back where I'm supposed to be.

I'm walking barefoot along the straight yellow line of a hot black highway, a thick angry black line cleaving straight down the heart of a brutal and pained desert.

Surrounded by a legion of dry and bitter dust. Sharp and deadly mountains on every horizon. The barest of life struggling and failing under a heavy bright sun.

I walk, barefoot, the soles of my feet scorching and burning. I'm leaving foot prints. They're not just impressions in a soft asphalt... they're thin layers of skin. Left behind and forgotten as I'm walking this straight and stupid line.

I breathe in, heavy and hot into my lungs. Flesh burns, a slight sent of the weak and feeble bushes and trees as they die under a blinding white light. The sort of light that bleaches out everything to the colour of forgotten and scavenger-ravaged bones.

"Everything around me is dead", i whisper. I pray. I command.

My heart turns cruel, dark, dead.

My soul and heart screams. I am only a man. I can only do so much. And all I can do right now is echo the world around me.

...

I walk, I walk, I walk.

...

I feel it before I hear it. I hear it before I see it. Prime American muscle car. A big block. Wide wheels and a thick and angry grill. Black, chrome. A tarpit coloured cape, stiffened by a foul wind.

She passes me, this car. The grim reaper has 4 thick and street slick tires. She swerves past me, just barely touching me. No, I touched her. Her rear view mirrors lightly and gently grazed my hand as she went by. A sharp glint of chrome stabs me straight between the eyes as she flies past.

She slides to a stop, sideways, straight and black and evil in front of me.

For the first time in a hundred years, I stop walking. I stand still. Feeling my charbroiled flesh sink slightly into the road.

She sits. Angry. Seething. Motor revving, thrumming and thumping.

The engine dies.

Silence fills our universe. I can hear the ticking of her engine cooling down.

The driver's door swings open. She steps out.
( Read more... )