as love crowns you he crucifies you

It's been a long time. Over a year. I'm talking about my time in the Repo! fandom. I have spilled blood and sweat for this scene. I have spent a bit of cash, quite a bit of time, and a whole lot of energy trying to help spread the word of Repo! and all of it's glory.

There was never a time it was easy, but at the same time, there was never a time it wasn't fun. Even with everything I had to deal with at the beginning.

Guess it's time I put things in perspective. Mayhaps I should finally tell my side of the story...

I heard from a friend of mine about the Repo! Road Tour III. I was under the mistaken impression it was a different movie. I had thought it was the premiere and limited engagement of the movie "Gene Generation", a film I had closely followed the development of. So I bought tickets for my girlfriend and I, and then realized I was wrong about what the night was about. I was not only wrong, but I was pleasantly mistaken. It wasn't what I thought it was. It was better.

The girl and I were floored. Great movie, great audience. Listening to Terrance and Darren talk about what they had to go through to make the movie, and what they had to deal with afterwards was inspiring. Darren, as he put it, basically killed his career over the making of this movie, and he did it as a gift to the "boots and eyeliner" crowd. I felt it from a dozen rows back. He knew it was a commercial failure, but it was a moral victory. You could cut the sincerity with a scalpel. It was good and it was grand, and it made it all totally worth it.

Inspired, the girl and I went home, started up Testify!, and created a shadowcast. She was the director, and I took the first role. We had a website that created a social network for the fandom, one where everyone could share tips, tricks, and media, all for the spreading of the message of what Repo! is. We had our shadowcast; another way to spread the word, and share the fun.

Wicked Faire came and went. The girl went to spread the word, find cast members, promote the website, find more of the army. Wave the banner and call the troops.

Shortly after things went south. Quickly, and poorly. Without going into detail, it was an ugly break-up. The only reason it's worth mention here is the fallout from it. It led to my good name, and my website, being slandered. I was accused of being a stalker (even while still a member of the accuser's cast), and my website was accused of being "drama-filled" and "competition focused". Also, both were labeled as "shit-stirring".

So as quickly as it began, I was seen as some sort of villian. I was blacklisted, and my site was boycotted. I was banned from chat for petty reasons. I was removed from the cast I helped start over juvenile reasons. I was both vilified and ostracized. What little joy I had was taken from me in a flood of lies and broken promises. It got as far as I was banned from seeing two separate shadowcasts from performing. The entire time this was happening, I never once gave creedance to these accusations by publically addressing them. Looking back, maybe I should've fought back a little, but really, then it would've stopped being about supporting the scene, and it would've been about perpetuating drama. So I left it well enough alone. I continued to turn the other cheek, and I continued to be steadfast in my promoting of showings and shadowcasts. I also became very involved in the RBR radio show, and vaguely involved in the fanfic community. I continually kept my head up, my spirits high, and I testified, and helped others testify as well.

It's been a rough road, but at least I always took the high road.
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