![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
When It Stops Being Fun...
It's been a long time. Over a year. I'm talking about my time in the Repo! fandom. I have spilled blood and sweat for this scene. I have spent a bit of cash, quite a bit of time, and a whole lot of energy trying to help spread the word of Repo! and all of it's glory.
There was never a time it was easy, but at the same time, there was never a time it wasn't fun. Even with everything I had to deal with at the beginning.
Guess it's time I put things in perspective. Mayhaps I should finally tell my side of the story...
I heard from a friend of mine about the Repo! Road Tour III. I was under the mistaken impression it was a different movie. I had thought it was the premiere and limited engagement of the movie "Gene Generation", a film I had closely followed the development of. So I bought tickets for my girlfriend and I, and then realized I was wrong about what the night was about. I was not only wrong, but I was pleasantly mistaken. It wasn't what I thought it was. It was better.
The girl and I were floored. Great movie, great audience. Listening to Terrance and Darren talk about what they had to go through to make the movie, and what they had to deal with afterwards was inspiring. Darren, as he put it, basically killed his career over the making of this movie, and he did it as a gift to the "boots and eyeliner" crowd. I felt it from a dozen rows back. He knew it was a commercial failure, but it was a moral victory. You could cut the sincerity with a scalpel. It was good and it was grand, and it made it all totally worth it.
Inspired, the girl and I went home, started up Testify!, and created a shadowcast. She was the director, and I took the first role. We had a website that created a social network for the fandom, one where everyone could share tips, tricks, and media, all for the spreading of the message of what Repo! is. We had our shadowcast; another way to spread the word, and share the fun.
Wicked Faire came and went. The girl went to spread the word, find cast members, promote the website, find more of the army. Wave the banner and call the troops.
Shortly after things went south. Quickly, and poorly. Without going into detail, it was an ugly break-up. The only reason it's worth mention here is the fallout from it. It led to my good name, and my website, being slandered. I was accused of being a stalker (even while still a member of the accuser's cast), and my website was accused of being "drama-filled" and "competition focused". Also, both were labeled as "shit-stirring".
So as quickly as it began, I was seen as some sort of villian. I was blacklisted, and my site was boycotted. I was banned from chat for petty reasons. I was removed from the cast I helped start over juvenile reasons. I was both vilified and ostracized. What little joy I had was taken from me in a flood of lies and broken promises. It got as far as I was banned from seeing two separate shadowcasts from performing. The entire time this was happening, I never once gave creedance to these accusations by publically addressing them. Looking back, maybe I should've fought back a little, but really, then it would've stopped being about supporting the scene, and it would've been about perpetuating drama. So I left it well enough alone. I continued to turn the other cheek, and I continued to be steadfast in my promoting of showings and shadowcasts. I also became very involved in the RBR radio show, and vaguely involved in the fanfic community. I continually kept my head up, my spirits high, and I testified, and helped others testify as well.
It's been a rough road, but at least I always took the high road.
Eventually it got to the point I couldn't do it anymore. For every dozen steps forward, I would be pulled back by ten. It because a question of worth in the face of quickly diminishing returns. Almost any and every attempt at being a part of this were swatted down by a very vocal minority. I was constantly shot down, no matter how civil or polite I was, that goddamned drama-llama kept shitting on my lawn. Backed into a corner, there was only one thing left to try.
I took a break. I took a much needed vacation. I needed to recoup from what I've been going through, take a step back, and figure out if it was still worth it.
Months went by, the anniversary of Testify! came and went. Wicked Faire was back in town. And there was going to be a screening. And a shadowcast.
I decided this was it. Time for me to come back, sit and watch the movie again, and see if the magic was still there.
The audience was electric. The cast was flawless. I fell in love with Repo! all over again. So I went back at it. I became active in the community again. I was welcomed back to chat, I was promoting my site and everyone else's projects again. Things were back to normal. Better even, this time around.
The administrator of the official website, boards, and chat decided to approach me. He cleared the air between us. Said the bad blood was a big mistake. It was taken back, and I was told *I was never actually blacklisted*. Those people that once painted me as a monster? Almost every one of them stepped forward, and privately apologized to me for everything they had said and done. Even the most vocal of my detractors came forth with apologies.
Back into the swing of things, back into the scene. I was welcomed back with open arms. I was then asked to be part of a very special night of Repo!, one that involved a double show and a three band afterparty during the night of March 19th. The very first public showing, in the world, of the deleted scenes from Repo!, and tons of extra footage from the original opera. I was asked to do certain things, like create a rule sheet and write an article about why this night was so important, and I attacked these projects with great fervour. I was privately thanked for the hard work I did. The show started, and I was there from the beginning, at the ready as the organizer's "right hand". The show was a great success due to her diligence and labour. It was going to be a wonderful night to be sure.
The audience was electric-
This is where I would like to end this story. A nice happy ending to a horrific little saga. Sadly, fairytales aren't my thing.
To make a long story short, here's the shortlist of things I learned that night:
1. Private apologies are fine and good, but it's only lip service if you don't follow up on it. If you're going to publically blast someone or something, only to find out you've been misled the one and only right and true reaction to take is to PUBLICALLY TAKE IT ALL BACK. Words without actions are hollow and weak, and are almost as bad as a lies that birthed the whole thing.
2. Common courtesy dictates that if you're going to ask someone to do something, and they do it, even if you end up not using it, the very least you can do is say thank you. Don't piss on someone's leg and tell them it's a rainbow, you're only lying to yourself.
3. Don't take credit for someone else's work. And certainly don't complain about how angry you are that the person helping the person you're stealing from dared show up to help. You just end up looking like a self-centered attention whore.
4. The more someone cries how they're going to change, the more likely they won't. If you're actively changing, you're too busy to talk about it. Also, how long do you think it's going to be before people start asking for evidence of your evolution? How long before they stop asking, and start figuring out what you're really about?
5. Choose your battles. If you started off the year being assaulted by lies and broken promises, and you're ending the year with the same, maybe that's a sign that the war is not worth the casualties.
6. There are none as blind as those who wish to not see; not all who seem blind aren't seeing everything around them. Denial may not be just a river in egypt, but it's certainly enough water to drown in. And the harder you bury the dead is the louder they rattle their bones.
There's more, trust me, but honestly I'm pretty sick of writing out this stupid little story. I can only imagine how tired of reading it you all must be. So why the shortlist? That night did one good thing for me... it summed up what the Repo! fandom seems to be all about. Unfair? Well, I can only go by what I see... and I was in the thick of it. How do you think the Pre-Ops are gonna see it?
Let's just say this... For every one hard working army member I met out there, I saw a dozen people who were all talk and no pants. And for every one diligent army member giving their all, I saw one person hanging around their neck, taking credit for what was happening, or hiding in the shadows undermining everything they were attempting. The numbers add up quick, if you think about how many people I got to know. And you know what? It's bad math. Even I know this, and I suck at numbers.
And this is why I'm leaving. Hate to be the one to say this, but the scene really needs to step it up. People need to stop being attention whores. People need to shoot that fucking llama in the face. People need to grow the fuck up. People need to stop taking themselves so seriously, and start taking the movement seriously. This scene is incestuous, testifying to each other isn't winning over any fans. Your drama and your crazy is only pushing people away. This place isn't just stagnating, it's withering. And if any of this angers you, don't take it out on me. Do something productive instead. Prove me wrong. I'll be happy to apologize. I will even look forward to it.
(Dearest Reader, If you think I'm condemning you, you damn well know I am. If you think I'm praising you, you bet your sweet ass I am. It's on a person to person basis. Figure it out yourself.)
But that's it. I'm done. I've got plenty of energy, but I'm running out of time. It's not that my arms got tired, it's just that this boulder's getting heavier, and this incline is getting steeper. If it stops being fun, stop doing it, right?
So there, that's my story. Is it believable? Does it matter? Those that know me, know the answer. Those that don't... well, know this about me: I've always got an open door policy on everything I write. Call me on my bullshit, I'll be there to answer for it.
Just try to stay classy about it, because one of us has to be. For those of you who're busting their asses and testifying the right way, godspeed. For those of you who aren't, wanna do a body a favour and GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY?
"Go Hollywood or go home."
-KrowFace
P.S. I have no regrets. I will cherish my fond memories of the good times, and I will always love the friends I made. You all know who you are. (E,E! T!)
There was never a time it was easy, but at the same time, there was never a time it wasn't fun. Even with everything I had to deal with at the beginning.
Guess it's time I put things in perspective. Mayhaps I should finally tell my side of the story...
I heard from a friend of mine about the Repo! Road Tour III. I was under the mistaken impression it was a different movie. I had thought it was the premiere and limited engagement of the movie "Gene Generation", a film I had closely followed the development of. So I bought tickets for my girlfriend and I, and then realized I was wrong about what the night was about. I was not only wrong, but I was pleasantly mistaken. It wasn't what I thought it was. It was better.
The girl and I were floored. Great movie, great audience. Listening to Terrance and Darren talk about what they had to go through to make the movie, and what they had to deal with afterwards was inspiring. Darren, as he put it, basically killed his career over the making of this movie, and he did it as a gift to the "boots and eyeliner" crowd. I felt it from a dozen rows back. He knew it was a commercial failure, but it was a moral victory. You could cut the sincerity with a scalpel. It was good and it was grand, and it made it all totally worth it.
Inspired, the girl and I went home, started up Testify!, and created a shadowcast. She was the director, and I took the first role. We had a website that created a social network for the fandom, one where everyone could share tips, tricks, and media, all for the spreading of the message of what Repo! is. We had our shadowcast; another way to spread the word, and share the fun.
Wicked Faire came and went. The girl went to spread the word, find cast members, promote the website, find more of the army. Wave the banner and call the troops.
Shortly after things went south. Quickly, and poorly. Without going into detail, it was an ugly break-up. The only reason it's worth mention here is the fallout from it. It led to my good name, and my website, being slandered. I was accused of being a stalker (even while still a member of the accuser's cast), and my website was accused of being "drama-filled" and "competition focused". Also, both were labeled as "shit-stirring".
So as quickly as it began, I was seen as some sort of villian. I was blacklisted, and my site was boycotted. I was banned from chat for petty reasons. I was removed from the cast I helped start over juvenile reasons. I was both vilified and ostracized. What little joy I had was taken from me in a flood of lies and broken promises. It got as far as I was banned from seeing two separate shadowcasts from performing. The entire time this was happening, I never once gave creedance to these accusations by publically addressing them. Looking back, maybe I should've fought back a little, but really, then it would've stopped being about supporting the scene, and it would've been about perpetuating drama. So I left it well enough alone. I continued to turn the other cheek, and I continued to be steadfast in my promoting of showings and shadowcasts. I also became very involved in the RBR radio show, and vaguely involved in the fanfic community. I continually kept my head up, my spirits high, and I testified, and helped others testify as well.
It's been a rough road, but at least I always took the high road.
Eventually it got to the point I couldn't do it anymore. For every dozen steps forward, I would be pulled back by ten. It because a question of worth in the face of quickly diminishing returns. Almost any and every attempt at being a part of this were swatted down by a very vocal minority. I was constantly shot down, no matter how civil or polite I was, that goddamned drama-llama kept shitting on my lawn. Backed into a corner, there was only one thing left to try.
I took a break. I took a much needed vacation. I needed to recoup from what I've been going through, take a step back, and figure out if it was still worth it.
Months went by, the anniversary of Testify! came and went. Wicked Faire was back in town. And there was going to be a screening. And a shadowcast.
I decided this was it. Time for me to come back, sit and watch the movie again, and see if the magic was still there.
The audience was electric. The cast was flawless. I fell in love with Repo! all over again. So I went back at it. I became active in the community again. I was welcomed back to chat, I was promoting my site and everyone else's projects again. Things were back to normal. Better even, this time around.
The administrator of the official website, boards, and chat decided to approach me. He cleared the air between us. Said the bad blood was a big mistake. It was taken back, and I was told *I was never actually blacklisted*. Those people that once painted me as a monster? Almost every one of them stepped forward, and privately apologized to me for everything they had said and done. Even the most vocal of my detractors came forth with apologies.
Back into the swing of things, back into the scene. I was welcomed back with open arms. I was then asked to be part of a very special night of Repo!, one that involved a double show and a three band afterparty during the night of March 19th. The very first public showing, in the world, of the deleted scenes from Repo!, and tons of extra footage from the original opera. I was asked to do certain things, like create a rule sheet and write an article about why this night was so important, and I attacked these projects with great fervour. I was privately thanked for the hard work I did. The show started, and I was there from the beginning, at the ready as the organizer's "right hand". The show was a great success due to her diligence and labour. It was going to be a wonderful night to be sure.
The audience was electric-
This is where I would like to end this story. A nice happy ending to a horrific little saga. Sadly, fairytales aren't my thing.
To make a long story short, here's the shortlist of things I learned that night:
1. Private apologies are fine and good, but it's only lip service if you don't follow up on it. If you're going to publically blast someone or something, only to find out you've been misled the one and only right and true reaction to take is to PUBLICALLY TAKE IT ALL BACK. Words without actions are hollow and weak, and are almost as bad as a lies that birthed the whole thing.
2. Common courtesy dictates that if you're going to ask someone to do something, and they do it, even if you end up not using it, the very least you can do is say thank you. Don't piss on someone's leg and tell them it's a rainbow, you're only lying to yourself.
3. Don't take credit for someone else's work. And certainly don't complain about how angry you are that the person helping the person you're stealing from dared show up to help. You just end up looking like a self-centered attention whore.
4. The more someone cries how they're going to change, the more likely they won't. If you're actively changing, you're too busy to talk about it. Also, how long do you think it's going to be before people start asking for evidence of your evolution? How long before they stop asking, and start figuring out what you're really about?
5. Choose your battles. If you started off the year being assaulted by lies and broken promises, and you're ending the year with the same, maybe that's a sign that the war is not worth the casualties.
6. There are none as blind as those who wish to not see; not all who seem blind aren't seeing everything around them. Denial may not be just a river in egypt, but it's certainly enough water to drown in. And the harder you bury the dead is the louder they rattle their bones.
There's more, trust me, but honestly I'm pretty sick of writing out this stupid little story. I can only imagine how tired of reading it you all must be. So why the shortlist? That night did one good thing for me... it summed up what the Repo! fandom seems to be all about. Unfair? Well, I can only go by what I see... and I was in the thick of it. How do you think the Pre-Ops are gonna see it?
Let's just say this... For every one hard working army member I met out there, I saw a dozen people who were all talk and no pants. And for every one diligent army member giving their all, I saw one person hanging around their neck, taking credit for what was happening, or hiding in the shadows undermining everything they were attempting. The numbers add up quick, if you think about how many people I got to know. And you know what? It's bad math. Even I know this, and I suck at numbers.
And this is why I'm leaving. Hate to be the one to say this, but the scene really needs to step it up. People need to stop being attention whores. People need to shoot that fucking llama in the face. People need to grow the fuck up. People need to stop taking themselves so seriously, and start taking the movement seriously. This scene is incestuous, testifying to each other isn't winning over any fans. Your drama and your crazy is only pushing people away. This place isn't just stagnating, it's withering. And if any of this angers you, don't take it out on me. Do something productive instead. Prove me wrong. I'll be happy to apologize. I will even look forward to it.
(Dearest Reader, If you think I'm condemning you, you damn well know I am. If you think I'm praising you, you bet your sweet ass I am. It's on a person to person basis. Figure it out yourself.)
But that's it. I'm done. I've got plenty of energy, but I'm running out of time. It's not that my arms got tired, it's just that this boulder's getting heavier, and this incline is getting steeper. If it stops being fun, stop doing it, right?
So there, that's my story. Is it believable? Does it matter? Those that know me, know the answer. Those that don't... well, know this about me: I've always got an open door policy on everything I write. Call me on my bullshit, I'll be there to answer for it.
Just try to stay classy about it, because one of us has to be. For those of you who're busting their asses and testifying the right way, godspeed. For those of you who aren't, wanna do a body a favour and GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY?
"Go Hollywood or go home."
-KrowFace
P.S. I have no regrets. I will cherish my fond memories of the good times, and I will always love the friends I made. You all know who you are. (E,E! T!)
no subject
no subject