Sleep. For The Weak.

I simply cannot stay asleep for any longer than four hours at a time. It's like some weird half-insomnia that strikes me in the morning, not the night.

I tried sleeping pills, and it worked, yeah, but I also ended up doing nothing but sleep for the next day. Actually, no, I take that back, I did wake up too early, but I was so dizzy and groggy I was able to fall right back to sleep. The constant sleepiness the next day was simply not worth it to me.

I could just go back to drinking, but I don't want to go down that road. I've gotten so good at not drinking so much, I kinda want to keep to it. I'm down to only drinking about 3 drinks or so a night, but only a few times a week. I won't drink if I have a morning shift, or if I have a double. I don't want to risk working hung-over, or showing up drunk. I can't do it, I have too much to take care of at my job.

This is stress, I know it is. I really don't know what else to do about this. Except wait I guess. Once I move, and I get away from this, I'll be much happier. My stress is starting to effect her as well. When I wake up, she wakes up. Each time she stays up a little longer. It's getting to her, I can see it. She's concerned. But... it's only sleep.

Looking at apartments today/yesterday made me feel better. Wednesday is more looking...

I'm very concerned that I won't be able to save up the deposit for the new apartment. I've been trying to save, but something always comes up. Bills, mostly. I'm glad that I get free food at work, that'll cut down on grocery shopping a bit. There's enough booze left over from the party that even if I WAS drinking like I was last year, I'm still saving a ton of cash. But I dunno. It's a big chunk of cash I need to whip up within a good two weeks. Every time I look at what I have saved, and I think about how much time I have left, I stress pretty hard. Last thing I need after being unemployed for 8 months is to suddenly go homeless.

I'm very heart-broken on how things went down with my most recent ex. Things just keep getting worse and worse. Every little bit of info handed my way does nothing but reinforce the fact that I think I made the right decision. The way everything is turning out... it's so goddamned overwhelming.

Being as she reads my journal, I'm not going to go into it now. But everyone who's privy to my eljay here and my effbee... you know what's going on. I've been pretty open about it.

So yeah, crunch time. Focus on what I can do, and fucking do it. Everything else doesn't matter.