Day One: Ten things you want to say.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One moment.

I've been staring at this meme for over a week or so now. I've really wanted to do it, as a sort of daily writing exercise. The thing is, I'm trying not to be negative anymore. And this first day is a problem.

If I want to say something to someone and its positive, I just say it. So posting it now would be pointless. However, if it's something I want to say, and can't say it, more than likely it's because it's negative and the other person doesn't want to hear it.

So my hand is forced I guess, so I'll try this out. That being said, I don't think I can think of ten things I WANT to say, that for some reason I can't...

1. You should worry more about how to properly run a business, then worry about what size font you should be using on your website. Your next big convention is three weeks away, and I just waited a full week for you to answer a simple question. AND IT WASN'T EVEN THE RIGHT QUESTION.

Get your shit together, have a better business plan than "smoke pot, paint skulls, ask the webmaster to do everything, make money." Because it's not working. And you're wasting your time and mine. AND MINE IS MORE VALUABLE THAN YOURS.

2. I have been waiting over three fucking months for my laptop. I understand it took a week to get the right parts in. I understand your shop got broken into. I understand that your mother needs dialysis. I understand how they sometimes send the wrong part. I understand that you got snowed in once. What I don't understand is why you didn't have this thing repaired and done THE DAY YOU GOT THE PARTS IN.

Also, how many weeks do you think you can get away with "i just have to catch a bus to center city to pick up that piece of yours that I lost in my house."?!?

Why does the phrase "I'M LOSING MONEY AND/OR CLIENTS" not light a fire under your ass?

3. You are a fucking child. If I caught someone fucking MY wife on my couch, there would be a fucking beating. Then a divorce. Then another beating, just to prove a point. Speaking of, ever wonder why she never called you "husband" while you ran around calling her wife? For normal people, that's a red flag. But you can barely wipe your ass without assistance from a cheerleader, so I'm not surprised.

That's not Asperger's, kid. You're just a fucking pussy.

4. You are the laziest person I've ever met in my life. Your inflamed sense of entitlement sickens me. The mess and destruction you left behind, which my GF and I cleaned up after, embarrassed the shit out of me. I can't wait until your (girlfriend/fiancee/flavour of the week) becomes tired of your shit and kicks you to the curb. Maybe you'll learn some basic living skills, like COOKING, CLEANING, AND DOING SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE.

More than likely, you're going to continue being pussy-whipped and will kill yourself if she dumps you. Or you'll finally come out of the goddamned closet.

5. You are neither pro-active, compassionate, or aware. But you are definitely lazy and full of disregard. You have it backwards. You're also disingenuous, duplicitous, and self-centered. Which really doesn't mean much, it just means the person you pretend to be online is nothing like what you are in the real world.

Your talent is wasted, and that's one of the worst crimes a person can commit.

Even worse than the fact that since I've shoved you out of my life, you've decided to start up relationships with OTHER PEOPLE I'VE REMOVED FROM MY LIFE.

Are you trying to start a support group? WTF.

6. If you're going to call me out and say I've done "some really fucked up things to you over the years", it's your obligation as a friend, and your duty as a man to bring it to my attention. Because you're denying me the chance to make it right, and if you let it keep happening over and over, then it becomes YOUR fault, not mine.

Then again, I never really did anything to you. You're just that sort of person that likes demonizing people. It's easier that way than admitting to your mistakes.

I saw you do it with two other people you called "friend", I'm glad I put a stop to it before you started playing stupid games with me. I should bang that ex of yours you're still hooked on, just to SHOW you what "fucked up" is.

7. Dear Sick Ginger Pig,
I'd like to thank you for introducing me to the best girlfriend I've ever had in my life. We're doing awesome, and you're the one to thank. I hope that's a bright spot in your miserable lie of an existence.

8. Remember how less than two short years ago you told me you "wanted to get your life back together"? You were "rethinking our relationship" because you needed to focus on yourself for a bit. So... let me ask...

How's the band going? Still going to the gym? Get promoted at work yet? Back in school? Get your own place yet? GET YOUR LICENSE YET? How about that one weird tooth? How's your shadowcasting group? Hey, how's the alt-model biz treating you? Any personal growth, or you still doing nothing more than smoking cigarettes and talking a bunch of shit?

I liked the fact that you made to-do lists all the time. Too bad you never really did much with them. All talk, no pants.

9. Years after you broke into my home and stole from me, you're still claiming it's all my fault. How long before you can man up and say "it was my fault." You and your stories, for fuck's sake.

Every time I try to warn people about you, they call me a bitter ex. They don't focus on the fact that you're a liar and a thief, they focus on the fact that we once dated. People need to get over it, and worry about what's more important. Like the fact that your need to be an attention whore is somewhere in the "unhealthy and dangerous" end of the DSM-IV.

10. You're still a hot mess, aren't you? Look at you, abandoning your children, hopping in and out of short-term marriages. All of your edgy rockabilly tattoos aren't hiding the fact that your shitty lifestyle is making you fall apart. Photoshopping your photos isn't stopping anyone from noticing you're turning into a bloated cow.

Since the day I left you over 10 years ago, you haven't changed a bit. You travel from state to state, sucking the life out of the people around you. Once they figure out what sort of person you are, they call you on it. Then suddenly you start up your usual "VICTIM" propaganda machine. You notice yet that less and less people fall for it each year? Fuck. You're crazy, evil, and manipulative. Just like your goddamned mother.

Cathartic? Supposedly. By why didn't any of this make me feel any better? Let's move on...

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One moment.

1. I learned to read because of comic books. Not just any old comics, but I was raised on the good stuff. Creepy, Eerie, Conan, Vampirella. I was seduced by the goddesses of Heavy Metal before I even knew what women were.

Which really explains a lot about my aesthetic. I like beautiful women, big guns, and scary fucking monsters. It all makes sense really, once you get to the root of it all.

Note: It's 2010. Where's my hoverbike? wtf.


2. I am Drrty Jersey born and bred. You may take this boy out of Jersey, but you will never take Jersey out of this boy. Exit 136. I wear it with pride.

Diner? Better serve breakfast 24 hours. Otherwise, you're LYING. Also, it's "down the shore", and fuck Snooki and the rest of those assholes. They aren't even Jersey. But it's MTV. Next up: "Real World: Mecca". No? Well, why not?

Also, I'm a welfare baby and I was raised along Route 1. If you don't know what that means, forget about it.

3. My two weaknesses are women and girls. And probably bullets. Yeah, most definitely bullets.

I have a face for murder, and a body for porn. If you don't know, then you haven't spent the night painting the town red with me.

4. I judge people on their spelling and grammar. I constantly find spelling errors in the dumbest shit. Like diner menus. And it infuriates me. Who gets away with this shit? And why aren't they hiring people like me to be their copy editors? I could make a killing just walking down the street. But apparently people don't like when you "volunteer" to point out how stupid they are.

I've actually lost friends over this shit. You want to show respect for your fellow man, show respect for how you communicate with them. Asshole.

Then again, if I lost them so easily, how much of a friend were they?

5. The internet is a social experiment for me. I've been there since the very beginning, and it's become a playground for me. People call me a "troll", but the fact is, my genius will not be realized until after I die. Kinda like Andy Kaufman, but less of a sissy.

I have been a web-site designer since 1999. I want you to think about that. What where you doing in 99? Was the internet even a part of your life? Did you hear about it in the news ever? Was it apart of your life, or a part of society?

It was for me.... I was also into the thing people used BEFORE the internet. I've actually been a part of "the scene" since the early 90's. I was telnetting into global out-dials on amber screens while you kids were still in shortpants. Where has it gotten me? Nowhere.

Funny, huh?

6: I sing, play guitar, bass, drums, the trumpet, the mouth-harp, and I can do sequencing and editing. I've released two full length albums and one EP. I've created hours of industrial music. Not a single person noticed. Also, I'm an established photographer. I've designed and published seven books, the last of which being a fund-raiser for the lost artists of New Orleans. Thousands of images have been turned in to 300 photographs of museum level quality. These books were released and on the market for years. My greatest regret in my life is I used my talents to help those in need, and no one gave a shit. Those books were pulled from the market, and more than likely no one will see them again until after I die. Yes, I am bitter. Yes, it is your fault.

I am a professional fire manipulator. I can eat fire, blow fire, do transfers, and swing flaming things around me. It's stupid. Don't do it. Seriously. Playing with fire is one of the dumbest things anyone can do. Take it from me. I have to be drunk to do it, otherwise my hands shake to much because I'M FREAKED THE FUCK OUT.

I wrote and illustrated a full length graphic novel during the height of the "Splatterpunk" era back in the 90's. I will never know if it was published, because after I handed it in, they lost contact with me.

7. I've driven across the country back and forth for so many miles over the past eight years, I've actually circumnavigated the globe. Twice. I've learned that everyone around this country has something in common. We all have the same hopes, fears, and dreams. And most of us are idiots.

8. I am a man of gentlemanly behaviour and rough habits. I will open a door for a woman, help an old lady across the street, and then smack your mother for being a dirty whore. All in the same evening.

I am brutally honest. I have lost loves and built enemies because of this, and I refuse to have any regrets. Everyone who gets to know me, becomes my friend or my enemy. I'm okay with this. I have to be. Because if the laughter stops, the screaming starts. And nothing stops the screaming, does it?

I am a good man, a great person, an amazing lover, and one day I will be a wonderful husband. Anyone who tells you any different does not know me, or they got to know me too well, and they can't get over me.

My candle burns at both ends, and I suffer for it. I refuse to live any other way.

I am brutally honest, and loyal to a fault.

I'm an ordained minister. I'm also a buddhist. I'm a dharma punk. I serve as either an example, or a warning. Take your pick.

9. My life goal is to establish a museum for contemporary arts. Something like the Smithsonian, except more entertaining. Also, I'd like to squeeze out a kid. At least one. I'm going to name him "Gabriel Logan". I hope one day he takes everything I've learned, and makes the world a better place.

I abhor celebrity, yet I desire to be famous.

At the end of it all, I just want to convince one person to "do better".