krowface: xenomorph in full lotus position (Default)
Stalking is unwanted or *obsessive attention* by an individual or group toward another person. Stalking behaviors are related to harassment and intimidation and may include following the victim in person or *monitoring them*.
krowface: xenomorph in full lotus position (Default)

You know what I want for Father's Day?

Answers. 

krowface: xenomorph in full lotus position (Default)
Got a haircut. Fixed my glasses, finally. Got a part time job, just applied for a full time. Even with having to check my crops after the hailstorm, I'm doing well. Another piece of mail and I go get my license.

I'm pretty pleased at how quickly I can attend to my to-do list. Matter of fact once I can afford to get my PC here and my tablet back up, I can finish the rest of my to-do list. Otherwise I take the time to paint for a little bit each week.

Then once that regular paycheck comes in, I can save up and take care of what matters most.

 

krowface: xenomorph in full lotus position (Default)
So... now that everything is cleared up, finally, I can talk about this illness.

After extensive testing it's been concluded that the initial diagnosis about my previous diagnosis was false. I'm still a type 2 diabetic. So all of that agony was kinda over nothing, and I'd normally be pretty outraged over the whole fucking thing, but I'm so incredibly tired from the entire situation that I'd rather just get over it. However life changes dramatically when a person believes they're about to die. No matter how wrong a person might be, belief is pretty strong. You get to that point where you're calling for a lawyer to help you sign off on a trust fund, you know things have gotten serious. And so it got me into thinking. Mostly about priorities.

But since I'm no longer in a rush to talk about that, I'm not going to just yet. #haha

Enough people have asked about what's going on with my health, so here's the story. From the bottom of my heart I want to thank all of my friends and family members who got in contact with me and asked me how things were going. You're big part of why I'm still here.

I'm currently on an emergency (and temporary) regiment of insulin use to bring my levels back down to normal, and then I will be switched back to using 'normal' medication. Of course this means even greater and more permanent lifestyle changes, but I had already started down that path once my daughter was born.

And I'll take it. It's not the first time, hopefully it'll be the last. I can't imagine getting too much more "healthier" than this. Yogurt in the morning, salads at night, yoga and stretching whenever I'm not scraping my child off of the chandelier. I was getting into this sort of mindset anyways, but now I have a medical excuse.

So that's the good part, I guess. I'm not in any immediate danger anymore. However it's still going to be a long time before I recover. I'm still in a tremendous amount of pain, and I'm probably going to feel like this for a while. I'm not going to lie, the quality of my life isn't that positive right now, and all of it is medical. Sometimes it's agonizing to the point its disabling, but I'm Irish so no one really hears about it.

I'm currently suffering from a painful and serious health issue, but the good news it can and it will end. It's just gonna take a little while.

Better diet, more exercise. 4 units of insulin every meal. Test my blood before and after. 12 more units before bed. We're trying to get my average of 375 down to 100. I am piercing my own flesh on a regular basis anywhere from 10-12 times a day. Did I mention I hurt worst in my extremities?

At least it's only temporary. 3 months tops, maybe?

1000 drops of blood.

At least with all of this bloodletting I'm learning something. None of its really anything good or positive, but I'm certainly getting a goddamned education.

TL:DR; We hit the snooze button on the doomclock.

Oh hey and speaking of diabetes, it's expensive and I have no insurance.

Once again, thanks to everyone who's been asking.

krowface: xenomorph in full lotus position (Default)
Yesterday was my birthday. Thankfully with the phenomenal cosmic power of the ability to post online, I can look back over the past year and see where I have been during this last trip around the sun.

As typical, my year starts off pretty badly. Not so much as per my 'seasonal affective disorder', but as per I find myself waist deep in a few situations where loyalty and allegiance have come to question over the course of the past year or so. Socially, my life was a warzone. Not just publically, but privately as well.

Also, I had about had it with my dead-end shitty job down the street. Celebrating the incoming holidays with a massive cut in hours and it made things look really bleak. Enough was going on outside in the real world that it was starting to affect us here at home, mostly in the way that perceived slights that are similar to the battle out there felt incredibly more painful. Or I'm justifying something at home. I don't know.

Shortly before the holidays I learned that my time with Loki's Workshop (which was my last big attempt at trying to partner with someone to start a business) was a colossal waste of time. However, the holidays themselves were very nice. Except we're not traveling this year. No. Unless I am the one behind the wheel and I get to pick out the vehicle. Christmas day? Sherman Tank. Fuck that noise...

My NYE resolution was to "let go of things that do not matter," and then I proceeded to do so, and it was incredibly painful. I didn't realize how much I was holding on to. Nor did I realize how fucking hard life was going to make it.

Read more... )
...

In summary: I'm looking back at one of the first posts of the last year and I'm coming to realize that now only do I still feel that way (both physically with my illness, but also in terms of my interactions with the people around me), but it's only gotten worse. My response to it has always been to fight back tooth and nail, but this year I took the gentle and compassionate approach. I must have an incredible way to go, because even though I feel like I've done well with my change in attitude (it's all right there on the internet, and that's apparently the only place I interact with people anymore) it feels like it didn't make a bit of difference at all.

Luckily, I'm too stupid to quit, and reverse psychology seems to work decently on me (#justkidding). I still choose to maintain the same positive attitude publically, but privately... I honestly don't know if I can survive another year of this shit. Not out of choice, I just don't think I have the life left for it.

...

There is all but one brilliant and bright light in my life, and it is all that keeps me going. My family is all have.

I have to do it. For her.

All I want and all I can ask for is to be around long enough for us to prepare her for what's out there. I need to train her for the fight, and I need to teach her to always be the good guy.

I just hope my body lets it happen. And I pray the world doesn't kill me before we get there.

krowface: xenomorph in full lotus position (Default)


Somehow I managed to edit and release a full length commercial, cook breakfast for my family, majority redesign a website, make lunch, do a bunch of redesign work to my own site, cook dinner and bathe my kid (made soup, get it? haha), and then pimped out said commercial. All in one day.

Oh and then I cleaned the living room and kitchen, because "wha'dup?"

Now to do nothing all day tomorrow, because I earned it.

So... what did YOU do with your life today?

November 2016

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